السلام عليكم
Allah is Forgiving, the all-Mighty and the one and only.
I would like to start this post with a little awareness. I am a Muslim. Though I show completely no sign of respect towards God's rules, I do believe deeply in God. And I also regret all of my wrong doings. From all the actions that I've made to all the hurt and pain I've put others through.
I have a story to tell you guys.
During my younger years, the days I didn't know about the evils that hide in this place called Earth... Every morning, the moment I wake up, as I lay on my bed, I would put my hands together and say "bismi-llāhi r-raḥmāni r-raḥīm" and hope for a good day. Never was there even one day when I'd forget all my prayers. The moment I enter the toilet, my head will remind me "Left feet first!". The moment I go out of the toilet, "Right feet first!". Every time there's a plate of food, nicely dined on the table... I'd sit patiently, waiting for everyone in my family to gather around. Daddy would say a prayer... after a moment of silence, daddy ends the prayer and we will all go, "Amin!".
I never thought one day I could forget my roots. My dear parents, they have thought me well. But I dared to forget. Nowadays, I can't even wake up in the morning. Instead, I slumber till the afternoon. And even when I wake up, do I even say a prayer or even hope for a good day? No, I don't. Cause I always "forget". When I go into the toilet, the voice that always reminds which leg goes in first just never speaks anymore. Why? I don't know. And now since Daddy's busy working in Johor, we never even gather together anymore. I honestly forgot what it feels like to have a family. Not wanting to show the bads of my family but hey, it's true, I feel alone. Now I eat alone in my room, watching tv, I don't even bother to say a prayer... cause I always "forget".
I lose more of myself each and every day. Guess who's sins have been multiplying ever since Form 2? Yes, indeed, mine. I lose myself to Setan and he consumes more and more of me every single day. But I have had enough. Yes, what's said is done and now I'm scarred. But I believe that Allah can forgive me. Cause Allah is Forgiving and Allah is Merciful.
I hope the day my time comes, the day I am consign to grave, I will leave peacefully and I have done everything that I could be proud of. I hope Allah can see how much effort a human can own and see how much I am trying.
All that I'm asking is for another chance. For another way to show, how much I love life. I will never take it for granted anymore. Dear God, hear me when I say, I love you so much. And I am grateful. And I'm sorry.
